God speaks to me

A year ago today, God moved mountains for us and let us move home…after a week long trial. It was the worst and best week of my life. I had an army of people praying for me and Vesper. After being in valpo for a year, I still have people coming up to me in tears telling me how much they prayed for me. Those prayers got me home. 🥹

It took 3 years to even get to the trial. In the beginning I wanted a different outcome- but as I spent more time with God he changed my heart to want what was going to happen. I started to feel strongly that I was going to be able to move home even though it was unlikely.

One day about a year before my trial, Vesper and I were flying standby and it looked like we weren’t going to get on a flight. That’s normal standby life, but If we didn’t get this particular flight we would miss out on a family vacation. I texted my family and asked them to pray we’d get on. My mom sent me a prayer that I thought was a little odd at first- she prayed that a big group would sleep in so we could make it. At that point everyone was checked in, but since it was an early flight there’s always a chance that happens.

What happened next was very bizarre and I’ve still never had a standby flight quite like this. There was a group of 13 that had checked in but weren’t at the gate. Vesper and I were 12 & 13 on the standby list. (Don’t get me started on flying out of MCO 🤪)

Boarding was over, but the gate agent wouldn’t release the tickets to standby because she was really rooting for this group to get there. We were at the end of the terminal watching people from security walk by, hoping they wouldn’t turn our way. The gate agent even went into the middle of the walkway and put her hands on her knees, peering for the group like she was a quarterback about to call a play. A big group of people came running and I was resigned in that moment to not making the family trip. It looked like they were running right toward me, but at the last minute they veered to the left and went to another gate.

The other gate agent wasn’t enjoying how this was playing out and decided to have the standbys line up outside the door. Below her breath she instructed us to RUN to our seats when she gave the word. The Captain even came out and advocated for the standbys to get on because he was ready to roll. I don’t totally understand the power dynamics here, but he was vetoed. We kept waiting. I remembered my mom’s prayer and thought, maybe that’s what’s happening. Just then, the gate agent received a call that there was a family of 13 that overslept (!) and they were in security and could be there any minute.

I braced Vesper for the fact that we probably weren’t going to make this one. But after waiting 10 more minutes, the family still wasn’t there. We were already 30 minutes past take off, and there was the continuing pressure from the captain. Finally, the gate agent made eye contact with me and said, “run and don’t look back.” (Who knew there could be so much drama for a flight 🙈)

The standbys ran to their seats and I could hear her closing the door behind me. Vesper and I plopped down in our seats a little winded and haphazard like. Then something amazing happened. God spoke to me. It wasn’t audible, but it felt like it so much so that I looked around to see if anyone else was hearing it.

He said, “Just like I got you on this flight, I’m going to get you home.” Ezekiel describes the voice of God like the roar of rushing washing waters. It was like that, rushing waters. An assurance washed over me as I realized this thought was not from me and I knew in a way I couldn’t explain that it was from God.

At the time I thought my trial could be any day, but it ended up being almost a full year later. I’ll write more about the trial itself another time, but I realized something after the trial. We were granted the right to move home, but my lawyer didn’t want me to move until all the i’s were dotted and t’s crossed. We waited and waited but the final ruling wasn’t coming out. (Sometimes judges forget about you, but God doesn’t.) Finally I heard God say “go” and so we went. (I have more miracles to share about this story too.) We packed my apartment as fast as we could- and we booked it out of Texas. We ran and didn’t look back.

As we were on the road, I remembered my moment in the plane a year ago. At the time I FELT like I heard Gods voice, and now I had the pleasure of KNOWING I heard his voice because it came to pass.

God wasn’t just telling me that he was going to get me home, but also how I was going to go home. I realized looking back on this miracle (and many, many others) that I can trust when I’m hearing from God because his sheep know his voice. Even if other people don’t believe you, if you’re walking with God, you can be sure when it’s Him.

I also marveled at how God works on many levels at the same time. He met my immediate needs/desires and gave me that trip with my family. But he also used the bizarre boarding experience to show me something deeper that was going to happen. And then, ultimately and even more important than the trial- God wanted to teach me about hearing from him and listening to him. In my marriage, reality was distorted often. I lost my ability to discern and think clearly. And through this God is gently and lovingly showing me how to hear his voice, be confident in it, and to trust Him. He was restoring what was broken.

If you find yourself in a similar situation I want to encourage you to ask God to speak to you and that you would desire his will above all else through your divorce. He loves you and he wants to provide for your every need.

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

Psalm 91:14-16