What is it?

My parents flew down to Texas and stayed with me for a few weeks to help me get on my feet and adjust to my new life. I assured them I would be fine on my own for a few days before someone else could come be with me. I’m not sure if I was telling the truth or if I even knew myself, but when that first night alone came along I don’t think I was ready. Panic washed over me and I desperately wanted out of my situation.

Turns out desperate moments ignite your faith. This night in my apartment is one of the first times I remember praying for some manna. Just something to get me through today. I was sitting on my couch, candles burning, worship music on, and I could tell God was with me. As soon as I had prayed for my manna, there was a knock on the door. A banging, really. My instinct was to be afraid. Everything unknown was scary right now. I braced myself, looking around for a weapon…just in case.

I opened the door and thought, “what is this?” I looked and saw bags of groceries. Whoever dropped them off was already gone. One item was falling out of the bag at my feet and it was the first thing I laid my eyes on. Bread. God literally gave me manna. Just as soon as I asked for it.

I think a lot about the Israelites in the desert. I can’t help but reference this often because their time in the desert was so obviously parallel to my life. I think this might resonate with you, too. The thing is, God did this amazing miracle getting them out of Egypt- signs and wonders, pillars of smoke and fire… you get it. After all this, you would think he takes them to a triumphant Eden, the promised land! If you’re familiar with the Old Testament you know this isn’t exactly the road he had for them. He takes them into the wilderness for an uncomfortably long time.

But the beauty of the desert is not the place, circumstance, or timeline. The beauty of the desert is God himself, choosing to dwell with his people for the FIRST TIME in history. He says of Israel, “I lured her into the wilderness so I could speak tenderly to her.” (Hosea 2:14)

In the wilderness they need food. God provides manna for his people. Manna literally means, “what is it?”. It was this white little bread like stuff that fell from the sky. It’s funny to me that they named it that. God was providing for them, but they had absolutely no idea what it was. It makes me think of that verse, “If anyone has ears to hear, let them hear.” (Mark 4:23) To me, this implies that it’s possible you don’t hear. It’s possible you don’t see. It’s possible you just don’t get it at all.

A gift (yes, I said gift) of your divorce is that you are being pursued. Let’s be honest… it’s likely not by your husband, and I know that sucks. But you ARE being pursued by your Heavenly Father who has been asking for your attention for a long time. As painful and uncomfortable as you are right now- it’s for a purpose. Comfortable people aren’t asking for their manna. You can be sure that if you are hurting, it’s because God is after your heart. If you lean into it, you are about to experience a love that your marriage couldn’t come close to touching.

Now you might be reading this thinking that’s nice, but I have bills due that I don’t have the money for. Or maybe you have to hand your kids over to someone who is unsafe. Maybe you don’t have a support system or any family to lean on. Maybe you don’t know how to find a lawyer or how you’re going to pay for one. I’m not saying, “just pray and all your problems will be gone!” In case you’re wondering, many of my problems still persist today. I don’t know how you’ll pay for your lawyer and sadly I don’t have some secret fund to help you.

What I AM saying, is that God is a pattern keeping, consistent God. He is as real today as he was all those years ago. He desires to provide for his children the same way He did back then. What he’s asking from you is to look to Him and believe he is capable of it. Is the Lords arm too short? (Isaiah 59:1) Do you know that God wants to help you? If you are his child and looking to Him, I fully believe he will give you your manna for today. And, it’s actually possible that he’s already providing for you in ways that you don’t see just yet. Ask God to give you eyes to see.

God started by giving me bread- meeting my physical need for that day. As my divorce went on and even into today, God has revealed to me that he will meet my spiritual needs with manna too. Those can be harder to see right away. I find myself asking often, “What is it?” only to learn later the crazy ways God went before me and provided. I’m excited to share those stories with you. But for now, know that your immediate physical needs are important to God your father. Ask Him for your manna today, and let me know what He does.