In the Lions Den

I remember where I was when I got the phone call from my husband. It was winter in Indiana, so naturally it was quite cold but we had an abnormally blue sky that day. It’s funny what you remember in these life-altering moments. I was with my mom, my sister, and all the kids and we were driving back to my moms apartment. We had just left “Aunt Diane’s” … she’s not anyones Aunt in my family but thats her name for us. She is wise and grounded. She has a way of bringing peace to a situation. My whole life felt out of control then and being around people like her and my family made me feel like I could breathe. God knew I needed to be around them with what was coming.

I thought, this is it. He’s calling to work things out! I remember the kids being hushed as I picked up and a silence fell over the car. He asked if we could talk and I felt so hopeful. The rest of the conversation is a blur- but I remember by the time he told me the news I was somehow alone in a room in my moms apartment.

“I am serving you today, can you please give me an address to send the papers.” I asked why he was doing this to which he replied, “You know why.” In the beginning I was desperate for answers from him. I learned over the years that the best answers and revelations come from God- who reveals deep and hidden things in his own miraculous timing. I was barking up the wrong tree for answers- as if anything he said would have satisfied me anyways.

I walked out of the room and I will never ever forget the faces of my family as I walked out. My dad was there now too and they all looked at me, asking what happened without asking. Two and a half years later they would make that exact same face to me in unison- but we’ll get to that. I hated that I had to say it out loud. It was one of the darkest, heaviest moments of my life. I didn’t know how much worse things were going to get at the time, and that is truly the grace of God.

I was thrust into a state of shock. Many of you reading this are in a state of shock in this very moment. None of us will have the exact same story- but we have been put on a path where we will experience some of the exact same feelings. The shock is a gift and it doesn’t last long. Let it be and let your body physically process the trauma while your mind slows down, even for just a minute.

That night or the next night, I went for a run. I’m surprised my dad even let me- even though I’m an adult he’s always been adamant about not running at night. He must have had some pity for me. I had been reading in the book of Daniel and that’s where it says that God reveals deep and hidden things. It’s a wild book actually and many of the stories in it don’t make it to Sunday school teachings. A story that many of you probably do know is Daniel & the lions den. I had just read it that morning.

As I was running I was thinking of the story and how God provided for Daniel when the worst possible thing happened- being thrown into a den of hungry lions. I had two main takeaways from the story. The first being, God is a miracle worker. Nothing is too hard for him. The second being God decides what happens- not man.

I looked up to a noise, on high alert since i’m running alone at night, and you won’t believe what I saw. I saw two mountain lions leap across the street in a single bound, running away from me. I wasn’t sure if my eyes were deceiving me because I was admittedly already in a state of shock and a little sleep deprived. I went home and as I was telling my family what I saw, sure enough there was a report on the TV about two mountain lions being spotted in the area.

God was speaking to me. It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last. His message to me was clear-”I’m in control here.” When life felt so out of control, it gave me peace for the day. I would need more manna for tomorrow, but I learned God is thrilled to give it. As my journey continued, the story became less about my husband and more about God.

This might annoy you, but it doesn’t really matter if story ends in reconciliation or divorce. It does, but it doesn’t. What matters is that you use today to take a step towards your creator who is calling for your attention. Ask God to reveal himself to you in your divorce. Ask for manna for today. It’s ok to hope for a certain outcome. It’s normal actually. I didn’t get the ending I originally wanted. What I got was better and because God revealed himself to me, I was able to see the way he moved mountains for me. Stick around if you want to hear the rest of the story.