What’s a Miracle?

I remember when every day was hard. One night in particular, I had what you might call a “dark night of the soul” and stayed up late journaling and praying and crying. It wasn’t like, oh it's so cute that she's journaling, what a good christian… no. It was very uncool and I said things to God that I'm still not sure if I'm allowed to say or not. 

I really needed encouragement. The next day something amazing things happened. It was my first month really on my own. A new schedule, a new financial agreement, etc. As you might be able to surmise… it had been an incredibly stressful season for me. 

That day, Vesper and I were driving home from meeting our friends at a swim park. Someone had left some debris in the highway and I didn’t swerve out of the way in time and got a flat tire. I’ve never had a flat tire in my life. Now, it’s not weird that I would get one eventually, but in this season of life any “extra” thing was too much to handle. Thankfully I was driving by this place that looked a little shady but there were a ton of tires out front. Surely they knew something about tires? If not that’s some weird false advertising. I stopped and was a little nervous only because I had Vesper with me and I honestly had no idea how much it cost to fix a flat. I texted my family to ask real quick and was a little worried I would get cheated. 

I walked in and some of the employees were leaving but this guy came up to me and said, we’re gonna take care of you. I looked around and apparently I was in not just a tire store but a gun store as well. I am a little on edge as I wouldn’t have voluntarily brought my 3 year old to be around all these guns, and I don’t really know if these are good guys or not. I actually don’t even really know where I am.

Thankfully the owner of the store became enamored with Vesper and said he would help us but we had to sit and talk to him. So we go to this table and the guy gets Vesper some candy and gave her a dollar. He let it slip that they were actually closed already and even though I was slightly uncomfortable, I was so thankful they decided to help us anyways as there's no way I would have made it home. 

He starts talking to me and I am realizing that he’s a nice guy. He tells me about his wife and kids and genuinely likes them. He asked me and Vesper lots of questions and found out i’m a single mom. I blurted out that it was my first flat tire as if there was an obvious connection between that and being a single mom. He glanced at Vesper and asked where dad went and I shrugged my shoulders and said, “he left.” His face grew compassionate and told me it would make me stronger. 

Then he asked me what I did for a living and I told him I’m a photographer. He said, i’m not really a picture guy but i’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I’d like for you to come out and do some photos for us on our ranch. My daughter has horses and Vesper would love playing there. At this point I knew something supernatural was happening because two days ago I told God I would love to do a photoshoot with horses but didn’t know how to make it happen. 

The other guy came in and was able to fix the tire while we were talking. I asked how much I owed them and the owner looked at me and said, “It's on the house.” I could feel the tears welling in my eyes and had to try my hardest to not cry on the spot. I said, “you have no idea how much this means to me.” He winked at me and said, “I do.” 

We drove home and I told Vesper we just got a miracle! She said, “what’s a miracle?” And that question just kind of hung in the air for a second. I don’t think I'll ever forget that moment. I love that my 3 year old is asking me what a miracle is. I loved, in that moment, that my life is in this weird vulnerable position where I have to rely on God and she gets to see it. I told her it’s when something happens that only God could do.

 I could have the perspective that God was punishing me, mocking me, or forgetting about me when I got the flat tire in the first place.Or even that this event was just completely random. But God allowed this seemingly bad thing to show me his involvement in my life. Just like he did with my divorce. I could have not had a flat tire at all- but we wouldn’t have had that amazing encounter. I walked away from the tire/gun store with the assurance that God is with me. I wouldn’t have had that if I never got a flat. We also walked away with Vesper’s dollar so technically we made money on this exchange. Only God. 

I went back and looked at my journal entry from the other night. I wrote about feeling frustrated and angry with God for where my life is right now. I also felt bad for how I was talking to God and unsure of how he would take it. I know in my head that because of Jesus I can come confidently to the throne of grace and that this high priest is able to empathize with my every emotion. I know nothing I say or do could ever pluck me from his hand because I belong to Him. BUT it still felt wrong to speak in such a way to the God of the universe. It wasn’t lost on me that this was his response to me and my frustration- kindness. I felt like he showered me with love that day. I realized that it doesn’t matter if the person I thought would provide for me and Vesper  for the rest of my life has left. I have a better provider. I can face hard things with confidence that God will show up for me. The kind stranger was right… it did make me stronger.